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Jesse on his last day in the mission field. |
GUEST BLOGGER JESSE RAE YORK
Unlike most missionaries I didn’t
wait my whole life to serve a mission.
To be precise I waited about a year and a half. The reasons for this are complicated, but
suffice it to say the moment I decided to serve a mission nothing was going to
deter me. I knew I wanted to serve, and
better yet, I knew why I wanted to serve.
The difference the Gospel had made in my life was real and I felt an
unconquerable desire to share that with others.
I knew the Gospel wasn’t merely a matter of preference; that anyone who
lived it would feel a greater peace, a greater purpose, a greater sense of
self-worth.
As I prepared for the mission I
remember everyone telling me that it would be the greatest two years of my
life. I heard this line so much I
actually began to resent it. What’s
wrong with you people that ten, twenty, thirty years later you’ve accomplished
so little else in your life that your fondest memories are from when you were
barely past being a teenager? To be
honest it sounded a lot like that guy, no matter what age, whose eyes glass
over at the mere mention of high school.
That is of course, until I got there.
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Concilio, 28 Aug 2009 (click to enlarge) |
I
fell in love with the mission at the MTC.
From the moment I entered those doors in Provo to the moment the plane
left the tarmac in Barcelona two years later I was entranced. Everything about those two years was a
literal gift from Heaven. Who knew Spain
was so beautiful; its people, its culture, its language? I served and served with some of the greatest
companions, converts, leaders, and members who have shaped and continue to
shape me to this day. Sure there was
frustration with the language, certain rules, and certain companions. There was disappointment with some
investigators and at times myself. And
then there was the interminable feeling of exhaustion and undernourishment that
began that first week in the field and never let up. But in the end it was impossible to deny (or
even to fully explain) that those truly were the best two years.
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Samuel Melgarejo, Jesse Rae York, Samuel Close, and Brad Peterson, 7 Sep 2009 (click to enlarge) |
The
only day I ever regretted, and to some extent still regret, about those two
years was the very last one when I stepped off the plane in Houston. And while the reasons should be obvious to most,
there was another, not so obvious one. When
I left on the mission another thing I remember people telling me was how much
my service to the Lord was going to bless my family. And unlike my skepticism toward the notion of
the ‘best two years’, I put a lot of hope into this one. More than anything I wanted it to be true and
would often use that promise as motivation in those moments when my weaknesses
would begin to emerge.
But
when I got home it seemed the more I tried to encourage my family the more the
message was met with resistance. This
continued for over a year until I realized I might be doing more damage than
good in the long run so I took a step back.
But the thought of being separated from my family for all eternity ate
at me like a cancer. I found little
consolation in the idea of “visiting” them in a lower kingdom of heaven. And the more people I met with inactive
children, siblings, parents, and friends, the more I began to wonder, even
question the doctrine that families can be together forever. That word can
took on a whole new, almost sarcastic meaning.
And while my testimony of the Plan, the Resurrection, and the
Restoration remained strong there was an emptiness to it that I couldn’t
ignore.
With
little else I could do I got down on my knees and prayed from the depths of
humility for guidance on how I could reconcile the emptiness that I felt. The answer I got was almost immediate, but it
wasn’t a statement or an idea, rather it came as an impulse. I spent the next six months scouring the
church archives and internet database. I
wasn’t sure what I was looking for and I wasn’t making a whole lot of progress
until one day I found a passage that led to another that led to a dozen others
each offering a new invaluable insight into the nature of our Heavenly Father’s
plan and His love for us. The basic line
of reasoning was this, If Christ’s atonement was both infinite and eternal then
the full blessings of repentance must be available to anyone at any time,
whether in this life or the next. To say
otherwise would be to deny the atonement, to say that it is somehow limited.
I
came to understand that progression, like the atonement, is not limited. This seemed to be substantiated by the
prophet Joseph Smith’s teaching that, ‘There is never a time, when the spirit
is too old to approach God. All are
within the reach of pardoning mercy.’
Brigham Young put it another way stating, that all those consigned to lesser
kingdoms ‘would eventually have the privilege of proving themselves worthy and
advancing to a celestial kingdom.’ George
Q Cannon took that idea further when he said that all those in higher kingdoms
‘must help those in lower kingdoms to rise up to their plane.’ Adding to this line of reasoning B.H. Roberts
stated, ‘I can conceive of no reason for all this administration of the higher
to the lower, unless it be for the purpose of advancing our Father’s children
along the lines of eternal progression.’
I
found similar statements had been made by a dozen other church leaders
including; Hiram Smith, Lorenzo Snow, Joseph Fielding Smith, J. Reuben Clark,
Joseph F. Smith, Orson F. Whitney, James E. Faust, and Boyd K. Packer. My favorite however comes from James Talmage
who says, ‘Progression, then, is possible beyond the grave. Advancement is eternal. Were it otherwise, Christ's ministry among
the disembodied would be less than fable and fiction. Equally repugnant is the thought that though
the Savior preached faith, repentance and other principles of the Gospel to the
imprisoned sinners in the realm of spirits, their compliance was
impossible.’
And
while the Church has declared that it takes no official position on the subject
Joseph Smith’s assurance that, “Our Heavenly Father is more liberal in His
views, and boundless in his mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe
or receive,” offered me the comfort that I sought by confirming what my heart
already knew to be true, that God loves us, that He will not forsake us, and
that the work we do in this life will, in fact, bless our families. So while I didn’t wait my whole life to serve
a mission I will spend the rest of my life preparing for the next one. If for no other reason than to help my
Heavenly Father make good on the promise that families can, and will be
together forever.
Jesse served in Alicante
2, Barcelona 2, Zaragoza 2, Badalona, and Menorca. He returned home in March
2010. His wife, Aprih, served in the Spain Madrid Mission. They currently live
in Dublin, Ireland, where Jesse studies
creative writing at American College Dublin and writes crime mystery novellas.
Have comment for Jesse? Post it in the comment section below. If you have an experience, story, insight, or miracle to share, you are invited to be a guest blogger. Send you post to clark.hinckley@gmail.com